I would ask myself, why would God call me to ministry. There are plenty of other people more qualified or fit for the position. God uses ordinary people all the time to do extraordinary things. But we don’t expect God to use us. How easy do we believe the lie that we are too broken for God to love, or that God could never use me because I’m not good enough. But God doesn’t need us to perfect. He desires our openness and our friendship. Jesus’s closest friends and disciples were ordinary people; fishermen and tax collectors. His disciples weren’t that different than you and I. They had doubts, they betrayed Jesus. They struggled with anger, being self absorbed, and judging others. They were flawed, they made mistakes, they were far from perfect. But God still used them. Jesus invited them to have a personal relationship with him. He brought them into his life. He taught them, formed them, and shared his ministry with them. They didn’t just witness God’ miracles, they got to partake in building up the kingdom of God. So why are his disciples any different than you and me?
Recently I had one of those I’m not qualified or good enough moments. Just before our last healing service in June I was struggling with doubts and wondering “what do I have to offer? Can God really use me in a powerful way?” I was talking with my husband as we were driving to the healing service about my doubts. How I wasn’t sure I was in the right place to lead people in prayer tonight, and maybe I should sit this one out. I knew I was buying into lies from the evil one, believing that I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t think that God could use me because I felt so broken, or not holy enough. As soon as we got there I grabbed a friend and asked for her to pray with me.
During this time of prayer I was able to take ground back from the devil. I was able to pray through those areas I was feeling so weak in and ask for the Holy Spirit to enter into those areas. I prayed for openness and that I could step aside and allow God in to use me how he felt fit. If God wants to use me tonight for someone's healing, great, if not, great! I really just wanted to be a vessel and to be able to share God’s love with those who came.
I felt much better after praying with her, but I still felt I was lacking in boldness, thankfully God does all the work, I just need to show up! So I focused on that. I tried to step out of the way and let the Lord do his thing. And he did. It was a beautiful night.
God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called. I had this all wrong. I remember how nervous I was to lead our first adult retreat. I was second guessing myself and I kept thinking I needed to be more qualified to do my job. As I plan for our upcoming adult retreat in September, I’m amazed to see how the Lord has been working in my life. How I’ve slowly been able to recognize lies I was believing about myself and I’ve been able to grow through that process. God has been building me up over the last 5 years, but that has required me to step outside my comfort zone! And like at the healing service, when I step aside and open myself up to the Lord, I’ve been able to experience his love and share that with others. And through those experiences, I’ve been able to grow in confidence because it’s less about what I have, and more about what I’m willing to give.
“Each time we acknowledge our brokenness and bring it to God for healing we have a new opportunity to experience God’s love and power.” -Dynamic Catholic Daily Devotion